are we going to say goodbye?

or am i going to stay ?...i kept thinking about this quiz specially that am still waiting for another notification to meet the head of surgical departement down here..still no email or no fone call..waiting kept me on my nerves..on the balcony i was thinking, while cooking i was thinking , taking a bath while thinking..i dressed and went for a walk may be this will sooth me a little , do not wanna make more comparison between what i had in cairo and what i wish to have down here..the sun was up high in the sky and the weather was extremely beautiful , i walked by the itoyokado and joypolis..i took first right turn and walked by the nishigawa river..my thoughts were still lingering in my mind..i met fredrick by chance and he was going as usual to the market , omotatcho our favorite,but i was heading towards the library..the woman told me we are working with the rules so am supposed to take 2 things only, i took the movie falling in love by robert de niro and the prince of egypt..went out after reading the herald tribune asian edition , all about their economy and stock markets..some comic strips caught my eyes ,that made me smile..it is x-mas time and the shops are making discounts and am having only 2 more weeks to go , aiming to reach egypt safe and sound , with happy news hopefully, before the eid..i passed again by the river and went to the omotatcho pathway..shops are on the lt and rt sides selling goods for x-mas..i recited the prayer for entering the market and i stepped inside..this is friday , the last day of the week , there are few people and some couples here and there..i passed by the places i liked coz omotatcho is the best place for me in okayama , unline mr.donuts that i hate..i kept my eyes moving here and there..i remembered the disc and dvd shop..i was looking for the japanese guy who is working in a diamond shop, he was the first guy to make me wear a diamond ring ,this was really touchy coz i kept asking myself am i gonna meet someone someday and he will make me wear a diamond ring from myanmar?..this is ridicoulous and i must be realistic..i passed by the tenmaya mall and kept looking at the models where i have chosen a design that i will make back in cairo inshallah for my good meetings with professors,hopefully..i passed by the green tea icecream shop..i bought few presents for my parents back in cairo ..while passing and trying to hold on , i felt am about to cry..i had good times here,life is easy here unlike back in cairo ..i remembered cairo and what has happened to me ..i remembered also my situation there..i thought about if i will not get any chance here,i mean if everything will be blocked in my face like with the china trip or like the many doors that were shut in my face in egypt.what will be my plan for my future? what will be the next step?..the music played around me with the famous song , moon river..i couldn't hold my tears no more and i had a running nose..the handkershif was enough to hold my tears and still in my heart i am feeling the bitterness ..i kept moving ,walking i know will sooth me , i reached the maruzen library where i used to be , i know i have bought lots of books from here in these 2 months till the employees there knew me well..i have found at last translated books from japanese literature..my famous japanese writer, haruki murakami has released a new book , after dark..his style melts my heart..he is from kyoto that i like so much..kyoto the famous place for geisha..i met once a geisha out there , she had no time for me to take a foto for her as she was running with here musical instrument by the river trying to reach the place of her work with her mentor..something here keeps me attached to japan ,don't know what ,but i like it here..i know am a good person myself and i can see people enjoying my company even-i swear to god-there is no communication except by hand gestures..even if i speak in english and the other party speaks japanese, the communication is still in the air..this is so funny ..still i do not know what will be my next step..i have seen a dream i wish this will tell something , i was entering a room full of japanese people they were praying the muslim prayers and i have seen kids and one of them , a little girl , was holding my hand , she was dressed with a beautiful white dress decorated with the flowers that i love...do not know what this dream holds but i felt something in my heart that may be something good will happen..i do not know ..but i wish from all my heart i wil get something good weither here or somewhere else..amein