كلاكيت تانى مرة

Once again , am back to my second home ,in Japan..Been around a year..A very hectic year..lots of exams and work and papers to be released and visas to issue and permanent residency to have..my head felt dizzy..been running for a whole year..2 major international exams ,2 international interviews with acceptance-thank God -..Leaving Cairo..don't know my sweetheart if i will miss you or not,been waiting from you to show an act of love and kindness,but day after day,you only bring heartache..watching myself grow old in the mirror with lots of white hair come creeping and crawling to pop up from underneath my headcover ,my deepest longing to become a mother without finding my man,my eagerness to get a better salary,to have my own business,to keep my position at the hospital without feeling the sense of rejection and haterad from my boss just because am becoming more qualified,the rejection with bitterness in my heart that i felt when i was dismissed from the interview that i had to pass in order to get a private job at a hospital..the man told me i want a recommendation,because 3 papers CV are not enough but a card is going to open the door,from seeing my friends changing,from feeling more and more alone,from feeling coldness in Cairo ..there is no more love and sharing and compassion..all these words have been lost due to lots of factors..been waiting for ages that one day these meanings will come back to Cairo..in vain ..they are lost..i was expecting the worst to happen..i love you Cairo from all my heart..i love my patients..i love to help the poor miserable patients..but i had first to help myself..i have become lately a stranger in Cairo..my sweetheart,i love you now more than ever..from all my heart,i adore you..i adore my days in you..but what can i do ?
have you helped? you only threw me away..are you happy while am away and feeling cold without your hug?..i did nothing wrong to you except i wanted a better life,a good chance to find myself..to have a brighter future..to see my babies grow infront of my eyes before i die..i wanted simple dreams..but you only accepted misery to me..giving hard times to me..year after year,i kept yearning for a kind word from your lips,just some honey over my lips from your heaven..you only showed me your ugly face and turned your back to me..kept yearning and crying alone and you have been happy while am suffering..am asking you for some love and kindness and all i got was some sand thrown into my eyes,to make me cry even more..you were expecting me to keep this feeling of humiliation and stay calm..what were you expecting ? an act of dignity while am loosing my humanity? you wanted me to turn to be a monster? to feel that am someone else underneath my skin?..your coldness came crawling from everywhere and kept reaching under my skin..i kept my heart warm with every power i got..i was shattered between stopping the coldness am feeling creeping below my skin and my heart who is warm and yearning to see his simple dreams fullfilled before reaching early forties..do you know how much i suffered? how many times i slept exhausted due to crying the whole night ?have you felt how i feel when i do see that am not worthying anything infront of your eyes?....what did you expect..to stay for more time..to turn to a wolf who cuts and steals without mercy?..i have left you..part of my heart is praying for you to act and change..you are my only home..i simply love you